Matt has gone to work today. He is aiming to do 4 hours to dip his toe in the water. I have been nervous about how I would go here at home by myself (I don't like to be alone at the moment). Matt accepts I don't like being alone, but solitude is so consoling for him that I think sometimes he doesn't understand why I get nervous about it. I didn't realise until 7.45 am that he was planning to leave at 8.10 am, so if effect he pulled the bandaid off quick which wasn't a bad thing.
I have now been home alone for 31 minutes after dropped X off at school. I got the first cry of the day over and done with (always a relief). I have a back-up plan of a friend's place I can go to this morning if I want. I am thinking through the morning in 20 min intervals. I feel really tired but I don't think I can rest here alone. I visited the local SIDS and Kids office a few days ago, and they showed me their drop-in centre for bereaved parents, which I guess is our new homie hangout. They said "This is the couch that Mums sometimes come in to sleep on". I understand that now.
Good thing our house looks like a bomb hit it, and I can fill in blocks of time doing essential busywork like cleaning the bathroom. Hurruh.
I miss that Baby Girl. I miss her I miss her I miss her. She was such a gorgeous fat little thing. Now she's so far away from her Mummy and Daddy.......
52 mins now, and doing OK so far. Time for a cup of tea.
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Hey Sophia,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know that you're not blogging into the ether. And I think this seems like a far more helpful thing to do than Facebook (am not a fan either...)
I hope the past few hours have ticked by okay and that the cup of tea helped. I'm a big fan of tea - and even though it doesn't help in a true sense, somehow the day is just a bit better with a cuppa.
Hope you can get some much needed rest soon.
Take care.
Love Mandy xx
Sometimes that wave of grief hits as soon as you are alone, and you can feel it coming... and that's scary. I can relate. If you have days like these on a mon, wed or fri when I'm not at work, feel free to call me.
ReplyDeleteLove, Jo