Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Thurs 18th Feb: Pulling the bandaid off quick Pt 1

Matt has gone to work today. He is aiming to do 4 hours to dip his toe in the water. I have been nervous about how I would go here at home by myself (I don't like to be alone at the moment). Matt accepts I don't like being alone, but solitude is so consoling for him that I think sometimes he doesn't understand why I get nervous about it. I didn't realise until 7.45 am that he was planning to leave at 8.10 am, so if effect he pulled the bandaid off quick which wasn't a bad thing.

I have now been home alone for 31 minutes after dropped X off at school. I got the first cry of the day over and done with (always a relief). I have a back-up plan of a friend's place I can go to this morning if I want. I am thinking through the morning in 20 min intervals. I feel really tired but I don't think I can rest here alone. I visited the local SIDS and Kids office a few days ago, and they showed me their drop-in centre for bereaved parents, which I guess is our new homie hangout. They said "This is the couch that Mums sometimes come in to sleep on". I understand that now.

Good thing our house looks like a bomb hit it, and I can fill in blocks of time doing essential busywork like cleaning the bathroom. Hurruh.

I miss that Baby Girl. I miss her I miss her I miss her. She was such a gorgeous fat little thing. Now she's so far away from her Mummy and Daddy.......

52 mins now, and doing OK so far. Time for a cup of tea.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Sophia,

    Just wanted you to know that you're not blogging into the ether. And I think this seems like a far more helpful thing to do than Facebook (am not a fan either...)

    I hope the past few hours have ticked by okay and that the cup of tea helped. I'm a big fan of tea - and even though it doesn't help in a true sense, somehow the day is just a bit better with a cuppa.

    Hope you can get some much needed rest soon.

    Take care.
    Love Mandy xx

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  2. Sometimes that wave of grief hits as soon as you are alone, and you can feel it coming... and that's scary. I can relate. If you have days like these on a mon, wed or fri when I'm not at work, feel free to call me.
    Love, Jo

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