Last night K took ages to go to sleep. It had been an exciting day for her, with all the birthday hoohar. Matt and I tried not to lose our patience with her, as she tossed, turned, chatted, and played with her new toys on the sly. I sat with her for about 30 mins and still she would not keep her eyes closed, even though she was obviously very tired. Eventually at 10 pm she said "I am waiting for Salome to phone me up and sing me happy birthday".
It broke my heart (whatever bits of it are left) and it still breaks my heart to type it today. Fuck it hurts. From one little baby dying, there are so many losses to grieve.
I found last night's dinner hard. I found it hard to sing happy birthday. It was very obvious to me that there was someone missing from the table. Matt and I will come up with a ritual, like a burning candle, to include Salome in important family events in the future.
K eventually fell asleep in our bed with us. She is tired and teary today. So am I.
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