Sunday 25th April: The gospel according to Tom Waits

Anzac Day today, and it was a comfort to me to think I wasn't the only person to spend the dawn thinking of someone who had died. Matt has been known to comment that since Salome died, every day is Anzac Day at out house, and once he hummed the last post as I stared out the window at 6.55 am. Cheeky bugger!

I can't find my church roster, and I thought I was down to run children's liturgy today, so I scratched something together last night about Jesus the Good Shepherd baaaaaaaaaaaa. We arrived a few minutes late, the procession was already happening, and the bloke taking up the big bible was hissing at me "It's OK, I've got it, I'll do it for you." That's never a good sign! I checked the roster at the door of the church, and I was down for readings not children's liturgy. So I went up there cold to find a big Acts, and a lively Rev reading. I find the trick with Hebrew place names is don't try to say it right, take a guess and say it with a lot of confidence.

So why and I going to church at all? I've got no answer. Mostly I go for the people there, who have been very loyal to me and to my family. Also, it is one place I can go where I know there are other people who have had a son or daughter die and who have lived to tell the tale. Like most Christian parishes in Australia my parish has a fair number of women over 70, and those women are much more likely to have lost a baby themselves than are women from the generations that have followed. I don't know many women my age who have had a baby die after birth, but for their cohort it was not uncommon to 'lose one' along the way, just as it was not uncommon to have 6 or 7 kids and live in a 2 bedroom miner's cottage. Many of the older women in my parish have told me since Salome's death of their own loss of a baby years ago, and they have grieved with me about Salome. So these older woman are good company for me.

Another reason I go to church is to spit venom at God with some images to aim at. And there is plenty of venom to spit these days.

This was the Tom Waits song that summed up my experience of Good Friday this year:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtUCaUBwqCM

This second Tom Waits song summed up why I showed up to church on Easter Sunday, and why I continue to show up to church sporadically. It's not an adequate answer to the spiritual wilderness / dark night of the soul / cloud of unknowing stuff I am experiencing, but it's the best I've got for now. Also I love the clip. Tom Waits' weedy body never looked so good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GugzLSbOQE